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17 October 2023 14 Min Read

Learn To Talk Less and Listen More: Unlock Your Potential

Do you find yourself losing focus after 5-10 minutes of listening to someone?

Unfortunately, the internet and social media have made us lose touch with the importance of a real conversation. There are so many reasons why being a bad listener is wrong. Others can perceive you as rude or selfish. Worse yet, you can miss out on many opportunities, unique stories, and experiences you can learn from others.

The consequences of talking too much are equally disastrous. You can rush in and say something you didn’t mean or intend to share. After all, words are the most powerful weapon – they can become your best friend or worst enemy.

And unfortunately, when you are doing most of the talking, you might be unable to do enough listening and learning. Therefore, becoming a better conversationalist sure pays off, and today, my goal is to explain both the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ of becoming one.

Are You a Talkaholic?

Have your friends told you that you talk too much? Do you notice people trying to escape confronting you or converse with you in general? They might even nod their heads so you stop talking and elaborating. Chances are, overcommunication is your problem.

Overtalkative people tend to ramble about unrelated topics, interrupt others, forget to listen, and frequently overtake conversations.

Note

Research shows that people find those who talk over 30-40 seconds boring or too chatty.

Of course, there are times when you can cross that line, especially when you are passionate or excited. But mostly, it’s best to stop talking after half a minute so that your conversation partner doesn’t perceive you as irrelevant or long-winded and lose interest. Worse yet, they might identify you as annoying, self-absorbed, or unprofessional.

However, given the diverse cultural and social settings, using a specific time frame to determine if you talk too much isn’t always accurate. After all, people have different standards on what they perceive to be “too talkative.” So, here are a few alternative indicators.

Key Signs You Are a Talkaholic

Dominating 60-70% of the conversation
Rambling with excessive or irrelevant details or long-winded explanations, even when unnecessary
Repeating the same points multiple times without adding value to the conversation
Speaking impulsively without considering thoughts and consequences
Focusing primarily on personal viewpoints and ideas without inquiring about others
Cutting or interrupting others off while they are speaking and monopolizing conversations
Ignoring or dismissing others’ opinions or feelings when they do speak
Frequently changing the subject to focus back on oneself
Raising your voice to overpower others
Contemplating your following statement rather than actively listening
Talking excessively in inappropriate situations or contexts, such as during a movie or a lecture
Failing to ask open-ended questions that would encourage others to participate in the conversation
Difficulty recognizing non-verbal cues from others, such as yawning, looking away, or fidgeting
Openly and frequently receiving feedback or hints from others suggesting you should listen more or talk less
Struggling to maintain friendships or relationships due to conversational imbalances

The Hazards of Being a Talkaholic

Being a “talkaholic” can negatively affect various aspects of your life, including personal relationships and professional opportunities.

When you dominate conversations, your friends, family, or romantic partner might feel unheard, leading to strained connections. Moreover, talking too much usually leads to developing poor listening skills, which are essential for effective communication and understanding others’ perspectives.

For instance, it can cause you to miss valuable insights or information from others, hindering your decision-making and problem-solving abilities. This habit may also harm your reputation among peers or acquaintances, who might perceive you as self-centered, inconsiderate, or uninterested.

In professional settings, excessive talking might limit your career growth due to an inability to collaborate effectively, receive feedback, respect others’ contributions, and build a network. You may also experience stress or anxiety when your excessive talking is met with negative reactions or criticism, impacting your emotional well-being.

Warning

By monopolizing conversations, you may cause misunderstandings or miscommunications, leading to conflicts or complications.

Additionally, if you talk too much, you might have difficulty getting to the point or effectively conveying your message, leading to confusion or frustration for the listener. Over time, excessive talking can result in isolation, as people may avoid conversing with you, causing feelings of loneliness or rejection.

Important

Fortunately, the art of listening can help you conquer overtalking.

The Importance of Being a Good Listener

Becoming a better listener will help you boost the quality of your conversations. It can help you form better relationships with others who will appreciate your presence more and love to open up to you. At the same time, you’ll learn to read body language. And that’s not where it ends.

Developing good listening skills is worthwhile, and here are the main reasons for doing so.

You Will Learn Something New & Make Better Decisions

Every single person on earth has something to teach you. We all go through different experiences and have different skills and talents. And, of course, you can learn from your failures. But sometimes, that’s unnecessary, as you learn from others too. You just have to listen and make the switch from ‘preaching’ to ‘learning.’

When you listen more and talk less, you open up to new knowledge and experiences rather than just preaching your views. Doing so can expand your understanding of different subjects, broaden your horizons, and help you become more well-rounded.

As Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan put it: “A man learns all his life and dies the day he thinks that he has learnt everything.”

Gaining diverse perspectives and ideas will help you develop more creative solutions to problems and make more informed decisions based on a broader range of information.

Increases Credibility, Trust, and Respect

Being a good listener can help you gain the respect and trust of others. People appreciate when someone shows genuine interest in their thoughts and experiences.

Say you meet someone new and strike up a conversation at your friend’s birthday party. They continually talk about themselves, detailing their extensive travels and achievements without pausing or showing interest in your experiences. Their excessive talking will probably leave you feeling unheard and unappreciated, creating a negative impression and discouraging any further contact between the two of you.

Tip

Listening actively to others and encouraging them to speak about themselves can help you build strong connections and foster positive relationships in both personal and professional contexts.

Furthermore, becoming a good listener will help you command attention when you talk. Your speech will be concise, relevant, and more impactful than if you were constantly talking. This can increase your credibility and make others more likely to value your opinions.

Imagine you’re in a company meeting where several co-workers discuss potential strategies for an upcoming product launch. Most of the participants are constantly talking, interrupting each other, and rehashing the same points. However, you listen carefully to each person’s input without interjecting.

Once you’ve gathered all the relevant information and formed a well-thought-out opinion, you decide to speak up. As you present your thoughts concisely and tie in various points made by others, the room grows quiet. Everyone starts to pay attention to your input, as it’s clear you’ve been actively listening to their ideas and have synthesized them into a comprehensive plan.

Because you took the time to listen and craft a relevant, impactful response, your colleagues respect your insight and are more likely to support your proposed strategy.

The same applies to personal relationships. We all value the advice of the friend who chooses to listen and advise us instead of the one constantly interrupting and dominating the conversation.

Reduces Misunderstandings and Conflict

When you pay close attention to what others are saying, you can minimize misunderstandings and miscommunication. This helps prevent unnecessary conflicts and can improve collaboration and teamwork. Similarly, keeping your contrasting opinions to yourself will sometimes prove worthy and help you avoid drama.

By talking less and listening more, you give yourself space to refine your thoughts and develop ideas, reducing the likelihood of saying something embarrassing or regrettable. After all, life doesn’t have an undo button, so it’s best to watch what you say before you wish to take it back.

Makes You More Empathetic and A Better Leader

Developing good listening skills can help you better understand and respond to the emotions and needs of others. By being attentive and empathetic, you’ll be better equipped to navigate complex social situations and support those around you.

Important

Good listening skills are essential for effective leadership.

Actively listening to your team members will help you better understand their needs, concerns, and ideas, which enables you to make better decisions and provide appropriate guidance and support.

For instance, say that one of your team members seems disengaged during meetings. If you take the time to listen to their concerns, you might learn they are struggling with an overwhelming workload.

Consequently, you can decide to reassign some tasks and provide additional support. Your attentive and empathetic approach will not only boost productivity and morale but also strengthen the trust in your leadership, fostering a more cohesive and effective team.

Keeps The Conversation Going

Focusing on listening rather than waiting for an opportunity to speak allows you to respond with thoughtful questions and relevant comments that encourage further discussion. Moreover, allowing your conversation partner to express themselves creates a comfortable atmosphere that encourages open and honest communication.

This approach will help you avoid awkward silence and foster deeper connections. You’ll be more in tune with the other people, better navigate the conversation, and transition between topics.

10 Actionable Tips to Stop Overtalking & Listen More Instead

Now that you understand the importance of becoming less of a talker and more of a listener, let’s move on to how to achieve this. Here are ten practical tips that have helped me make the transfer.

Understand The ‘Why’

As with any other issue in life, you must first assess the reason to be able to solve it. For example, are you naturally chatty, overtalk when nervous, or simply too self-centered? Whatever the reason, you are not alone.

Scientists have proven that the human brain gets a dopamine rush when people talk about themselves, a similar trigger to eating food and satisfying other pleasures.

Many other reasons can lead to excessive talking, including the following:

Unconscious over-talking: You might be genuinely unaware that you talk too much, especially if no one has told you that before.
Social discomfort or anxiety: If you struggle with social skills, you might not pick up on the subtle signs that you are overtalking.
Enthusiasm: It’s great to be passionate about something. However, if you are overly excited, you might unintentionally dominate conversations due to your zeal for a topic or project.
Inability to read social cues: If you fail to recognize signs that you are dominating a conversation, such as others glancing at their watch or struggling to interject, you might continue talking excessively.
Upbringing and family background: Family history and upbringing can influence your talkativeness. For instance, if you are an only child with chatty parents, you are more likely to grow into a talkative adult than someone from a large family with multiple children.
Insecurity: If you lack self-confidence, you might overcompensate by talking more about yourself to seek validation or approval.
Egocentrism or narcissism: People who are self-centered or selfish may not care to listen to others, often lacking empathy or interest in the opinions of others.

Note

Once you understand the reason behind your overtalking, you can take appropriate steps to address the issue and improve your communication skills.

Read the Signs, Detect the Red Flags

Not everyone will straightforwardly say, “You’re talking too much” or “I need to go.” Instead, they’ll often use body language cues to convey that they want to end the conversation subtly.

Yet, unfortunately, frequently, the reason for talking too much is simply misreading the signs. You can miss the social cues and body language of others that suggest you’re overstaying your verbal welcome.

When you’re talking too much, people usually yawn, fidget, lean away, look bored, avoid eye contact, dart their gaze, turn their feet away from you, or turn their torso towards the door. They might even mention that they must leave soon, grab their belonging, or stop responding altogether.

To prevent this, consciously read the signs and listen to others’ verbal and nonverbal cues. Remember, a conversation should be a two-way street, with both parties having the chance to share and listen.

Control Your Desire to Speak

Practice self-awareness and recognize when you feel the urge to interrupt or dominate the conversation. Next, give others the space to express themselves by using the “PAUSE” technique:

Pause and allow the speaker to finish.
Acknowledge their message.
Understand their perspective.
Silence your internal chatter.
Empathize with their feelings.

Implementing this strategy will help you resist the temptation to interrupt, fostering more meaningful and effective communication.

Tip

Be mindful of your communication style and tendencies. If you find yourself talking too much, take a step back and focus on listening instead.

Think Twice, Talk Once

Words carry weight, yet they can work to your advantage when you pick them carefully. When it comes to talking, I love taking the ‘less is more’ approach.

Evaluating your thoughts is an effective way to ensure you say precisely what you mean. It prevents you from oversharing and causing miscommunication or conflict. Remember, you can always share more later but you cannot take away what you have said already.

So, before you rush in to talk, take a moment to think: “Do I really need to share this information? Does it add value to the conversation? What are my intentions? Is it appropriate? How will they perceive it?”

Warning

Sometimes, you might have the right intentions in mind, just the wrong person or timing.

Practice Active Listening

Start by setting an intention to listen actively and give the speaker your full attention. It can help you stay focused and engaged in the conversation.

Moreover, show the speaker you are engaged and interested using body language. For instance, keep your arms uncrossed, have a relaxed posture, a friendly facial expression, make eye contact, nod, and summarize their ideas. Doing this will make the speaker feel heard and understood.

Always Ask Questions

If you find yourself dominating the conversation, you must remember that balance is key. So, the best thing you can do is switch gears and ask a question. It will show your conversation partner that you care about their opinion and experience and that you are not self-centered but quite the opposite.

However, make sure to ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer, such as “How did you feel about that?” or “What was your experience like?” It will help the speaker feel heard and understood and keep the conversation going.

Seek To Understand, Not to Respond

When conversing, it’s easy to focus on preparing your next response instead of genuinely listening to the other person. But here’s the thing: that’s not the most effective way to create connections or actively participate in a discussion.

Important

Instead, try to understand the other person’s point of view without constantly thinking about how you’ll reply.

Sure, adopting this mindset requires practice. However, the key is truly listening and empathizing with the person you’re conversing with. Doing this can make the conversation more significant for both of you.

Think about how amazing it feels when someone genuinely understands what you’re saying! That’s the type of connection you should strive for. And guess what? Sometimes, the most appropriate response could be a nod, a smile, or a simple “I understand.”

Show Empathy, and Don’t Be Quick to Judge

It’s human nature to make judgments about others, but it’s important to remember that you can’t always be right. Jumping to conclusions can be harmful and create unnecessary conflict, even if it’s unintentional. So, it’s crucial to recognize your biases and prejudices and challenge them.

So, instead, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand their perspective. Approach interactions with an open mind and a willingness to understand someone’s perspective. Empathy and compassion go a long way in building connections and resolving conflicts.

Reflect on What You Just Heard

By repeating what the other person said in your own words, you’re demonstrating active listening and clarifying any misunderstandings. It also shows the other person that you value their thoughts and are invested in the conversation.

So, don’t be afraid to ask for clarity. If you don’t understand what they mean and cannot reflect, it would be best to ask for clarification.

For example, you could say, “So what I’m hearing is that you feel frustrated because you don’t feel heard at work. Is that right?” It not only confirms your understanding of the situation, but it also allows the other person to clarify or correct any misunderstandings.

Get Comfortable with Silence

Silence can be uncomfortable, especially in conversations. However, it’s important to remember that silence can be just as valuable as speaking. It allows both of you to process and reflect on what was said. Consequently, silence can generate deeper insights and understanding.

Note

Try to resist the urge to fill the silence with unnecessary chatter. As I noted earlier, less is more.

Instead, allow the silence to linger and give the other person a chance to speak. This creates space for them to share their thoughts and can result in a more meaningful conversation.

Another way to embrace silence is to use it as an opportunity for self-reflection. Take a moment to tune in to your thoughts and emotions. It will help you better understand your perspective and allow you to express yourself more clearly when the conversation continues.

Conclusion

For all talkaholics out there: listening is a valuable skill that can boost your personal relationships and professional endeavors. While speaking your mind is important, knowing when to listen can be even more powerful.

And remember, effective communication is a two-way street. Becoming an active listener can strengthen your relationships, increase productivity, and achieve your goals. So, the next time you’re in a conversation, try listening with intention and see the difference it can make!

Frequently Asked Questions

It means you tend to dominate conversations and speak excessively, often without regard for the thoughts and feelings of others. Talkaholics may struggle with active listening, interrupt others frequently, and struggle to maintain a two-way conversation.

Usually, yes. Being a talkaholic can hinder effective communication and relationships with others. It can also lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships. Therefore, it's important to recognize when talking is becoming a problem and work on developing active listening skills to become a more effective communicator.

Active listening is a communication technique that involves being present in the conversation, reflecting on what you just heard, and seeking to understand the other person's perspective. It is important because it can improve personal relationships and professional communication and foster understanding and empathy.

Yes, it can. Becoming an active listener can help you improve communication with colleagues, managers, and clients. It also helps build trust and credibility and fosters deeper connections, leading to better collaboration and teamwork. Ultimately, active listening can help you achieve your professional goals and advance your career.

Some common barriers to active listening include distractions, such as background noise or interruptions, personal biases and preconceptions, emotional triggers or stress, and lack of interest or engagement in the conversation. Other factors such as cultural or language differences, multitasking, and physical discomfort can also prevent you from active listening.

Balance is key to effective communication, mutual understanding, and respect! While it's essential to be an active listener and allow others to share their thoughts and feelings, it's also important to contribute to the conversation and share your own perspectives.

Author:

The Logician

I love using my free time to write and express my thoughts. My blog is my safe space where I have the ultimate freedom to share what’s on my mind.

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Learn To Talk Less and Listen More: Unlock Your Potential

Frequently Asked Questions

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Learn To Talk Less and Listen More: Unlock Your Potential

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to be a talkaholic?

Is being a talkaholic an issue?

What is active listening, and why is it important?

Can active listening help me in my professional life?

What are some common barriers to active listening?

Should you talk more or listen more?

The Logician

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Your Brain Is Your Own Application: Program Yourself for Success

How Can Building A Business Network Change Your Life?

Being Busy vs. Being Productive: Debunking the Myth

The Art of Procrastination - Good or Bad?

Don’t Wait for Things to Happen – Take Action

Nothing Beats A Person Who Never Gives Up

Progress Is Not Linear - Take One Step Back to Move Two Ahead

Time Management – Control Your Most Valuable Resource

Discipline Is The Bridge Between You and Your Success

You Don’t Hate Mondays - You Hate the Routine

How to Face Your Fears? Effective Tips to Get Over A Fear!

How to Build A Legacy, Not Only A Fortune?

Life Doesn't Have an Undo Button: Face the Consequences

How to Let Go of Toxic People That Hold You Back?

Change Your Attitude To Change Your Future

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